I'm nothing if not an optimist.

Did you hear about this genius that got on a plane and set fire to his feet? Turns out he had bombs in his shoes and the problem all started when the flight attendants asked him nicely to extinguish his feet. He was wearing exploding sneakers. The new Nike Air-Jihads!

They say the oil spill has the potential to kill more wildlife than a Sarah Palin hunting trip.

Last night we had Bill Clinton, the former president. Security was as tight as Governor Christie's yoga pants.

Welcome to the program. My name is Dave Letterman, and tonight I'm giving my two-week notice.

It's disappointing when you finally get to meet someone you admire and he conducts himself as a jerk.

This will be Michelle Obama's last opportunity to try to get me to eat kale.