I'm nothing if not an optimist.

Humans are the only animal who can have sex over the phone.

There's already been some trouble for Osama bin Laden in the afterlife. There was a mix up and he was greeted by 72 vegans.

Did you see Howard Dean ranting and raving? Here's a little tip Howard - cut back on the Red Bull.

The Russian economy is tanking. It's gotten so bad that today Vladimir Putin had to pawn his stolen Super Bowl ring. And Putin will finance his next invasion on Kickstarter.

Tomorrow is Election Day. It's what they call the midterm elections, and you can cut the indifference with a knife. It's the day Americans leave work early and pretend to vote.

I got some good news earlier today before the show. Thanks to Alex Rodriguez, I am no longer the most overpaid disappointment in New York City.