Incredible experience, watching a baby birth on the internet. It's now my screensaver.

Congratulations to Ohio State, your new college football champions. Coach Urban Meyer may be the greatest football coach of all time. Don't confuse him with New York Mayor Bill de Blasio. That's urban quagmire.

I'll be honest with you. It's beginning to look like I'm not going to get 'The Tonight Show.'

I'm nothing if not an optimist.

Rick Perry is now saying he thinks that Barack Obama's birth certificate is fake. I think Perry may have faked his driver's license.

A small handgun makes any TV remote control.

Bill Clinton may in fact be moving back into the White House. And coincidentally I'm thinking about moving back into my mother's house.