Osama bin Laden has ten look-alikes to fool us Americans. Ten look-alikes, and he's married to five of them.

Yesterday was not only daylight saving time, but also International Women's Day. What better way to address the issue of inequality for women than giving them a day that's missing an hour.

How about that oil slick in the Gulf of Mexico. And you know, the oil slick is going everywhere. So the next time somebody lands on the Hudson, it won't be that big a deal.

I'll be honest with you. It's beginning to look like I'm not going to get 'The Tonight Show.'

Over in Afghanistan, Osama stuck his head out of the cave and saw a shadow. So, that means six more weeks of bombing.

Today is Earth Day. The way I see it, as humans the very least we can do is recycle. A lot of recycling is going on this year. For example, Bushes and Clintons.

Bill Clinton has a brand new book coming out in a few months and the Democrats are worried that the Clinton book might upstage the Kerry campaign. I'm thinking, hell, day-old meat loaf could upstage that campaign.