Everybody is wondering what Paris Hilton will be doing next, and hell, I'm wondering what she did before.
David LettermanVladimir Putin said the tanks that you see rolling through the streets are just part of the closing ceremonies of the Olympics.
David LettermanPresident Obama is in China. Also in China is evil Russian dictator Vladimir Putin. They're both in China at the same time. It's like running into your ex-girlfriend on vacation.
David LettermanDo you know who is ready to go with the presidential campaign? Jeb Bush. Jeb already has plans to end the war in Iraq that his brother started. All he needs is a hot tub time machine.
David Letterman