Life experience is the best teacher.

It was a tough press conference for President Bush. He spent the first ten minutes trying to pronounce Fallujah. ... Bush insisted that Iraq is not Vietnam. Of course not, he avoided Vietnam.

It's tax season. When I woke this morning and realized it was tax season, I said, My God, didn't we just pay taxes last year?

A small handgun makes any TV remote control.

Do you know what I'm going to do when I retire? I hope to become the new face of Scientology.

Experts say that Iraq may have nuclear weapons. That's bad news - they may have a nuclear bomb. Now the good news is that they have to drop it with a camel.

The new 'Mad Max' movie takes place in a post-apocalyptic world. I have a small part in 'Mad Max.' I play the old geezer who remembers what steak tasted like.