Scientists have discovered a black hole that is 12 billion times the size of our sun. It's full of Hillary Clinton emails.
David LettermanGood luck finding a place to park in New York City. And when you do, good luck figuring out the parking signs, restrictions, and prohibitions. It is so complicated. It has gotten so bad, I never park my car without a lawyer.
David LettermanThe European countries are really hoping to do well in the Olympics. If they win gold medals, they can use them as cash.
David LettermanYou can't eat tomatoes because they're tainted with deadly salmonella. First there was tainted lettuce. Now, tainted tomatoes. Who would have thought that the healthiest part of a B.L.T. would be the bacon?
David Letterman