Recently a guy was having trouble with his computer. So he unplugs it, takes it out in the alley, pulls out a gun, and shoots it eight times. Coincidentally, that's how Hillary got rid of her emails.

Bad news, it's going to be a huge environmental disaster, the oil rig down there in the Gulf of Mexico. The good news is they think now that the oil spill will be diluted by the melting ice caps.

Humans are the only animal who can have sex over the phone.

All comedians are preoccupied with one thing and with one thing only-themmm-selllves. It's a horrible lot in life.

Prince William and Kate Middleton are in New York City. We have got to do something about immigration.

It's two days until tax time. I know it's late, but there is still time to deduct this show as a loss.

Hillary has now erased all of her emails, and she also had all of her pantsuits dry cleaned.