It's so crazy in Hollywood.

MySpace is a great way to keep in touch with friends who you don't care enough about to actually have a conversation with, why bother calling to say "how are you," when you can just surf their page and post an mpeg of a guy farting on his cat.

My fellow nerds and I will retire to the nerdery with our calculators.

The last girl I went out with blew me off. Now I call her with lame excuses to see her, "Hey, did I leave a penny over there?"

Nobody wants to read about your life. Who cares?

Now that I have the opportunities to do a lot, I want to do less.

You can either look at things in a brutal, truthful way that's depressing, or you can screw around and have fun.