It's good to do stand-up. It kind of wakes you up and makes you feel like you're doing something. You got the crowd right there. That's all fun.

I talk to my dad all the time, he's more like my buddy than my father, and he's not happy that I use him in my act. But I tell him, I have to get something out of this.

It's just easier to make fun and cut down. It's kind of a way of life in America. If you can make people want to hear what you're going to say, it can be cruel and funny.

It's so crazy in Hollywood.

I think the chances are better of me putting Super Unleaded into a rented car.

I have no stories to sell. A lot of my relationships are with civilians, and no one wants to hear about those.

In grade school I was smart, but I didn't have any friends. In high school, I quit being smart and started having friends.