MySpace is a great way to keep in touch with friends who you don't care enough about to actually have a conversation with, why bother calling to say "how are you," when you can just surf their page and post an mpeg of a guy farting on his cat.

It's great to tell people you have your own show, but that's where the fun stops.

You can either look at things in a brutal, truthful way that's depressing, or you can screw around and have fun.

Gossip is a plague that consumes weak, gullible people and blinds them from the truth of reality; it can devour entire city's. I prefer keeping my eyes wide open.

My school of thought is, anything goes, but I can't do that anymore.

I changed my act because I wasn't getting booked.

Success? You can't get a big head about it. When people stare at me, they could be whispering to their friend, "That guy sucks! Have you seen him before? He's horrible."