Hopefully, underlying all my jokes is an element of surprise.
I have no stories to sell. A lot of my relationships are with civilians, and no one wants to hear about those.
I changed my act because I wasn't getting booked.
The last girl I went out with blew me off. Now I call her with lame excuses to see her, "Hey, did I leave a penny over there?"
My fellow nerds and I will retire to the nerdery with our calculators.
It's good to do stand-up. It kind of wakes you up and makes you feel like you're doing something. You got the crowd right there. That's all fun.