MySpace is a great way to keep in touch with friends who you don't care enough about to actually have a conversation with, why bother calling to say "how are you," when you can just surf their page and post an mpeg of a guy farting on his cat.

I want to get back to my fighting weight of 98 pounds. I have the exact measurements of that guy from the movie, Powder. Right now, I am the reigning West Coast Powder.

I never dated much in high school or college.

Staying in a hotel this time. They put me up in a little bit of a shithole. Yeah. Just this side of rinky dink. The first 7 floors are a homeless shelter, but I'm on 8.

No one wants to know I set my alarm and get up 8, but I think it's too weird to sleep in too late.

I have no detectable hair style.

In grade school I was smart, but I didn't have any friends. In high school, I quit being smart and started having friends.