I've got seven kids. The three words you hear most around my house are 'hello,' 'goodbye,' and 'I'm pregnant.'

I was so drunk last night I fell down and missed the floor.

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

I once shook hands with Pat Boone, and my whole right side sobered up!

Johnny Carson is a comedian who is seen every night in millions of bedrooms all over America...and that's why his last wife left him.

I take the juice of two bottles of whisky.

There's a statue of Jimmy Stewart in the Hollywood Wax Museum, and the statue talks better than he does.