Part of the reason images of women in positions of authority are marked by their gender is that the very notion of authority is associated with maleness.

The argument culture urges us to approach the world-and the people in it-in an adversarial frame of mind. It rests on the assumption that opposition is the best way to get anything done: Conflict and opposition are as necessary as cooperation and agreement, but the scale is off balance, with conflict and opposition over-weighted.

The biggest mistake is believing there is one right way to listen, to talk, to have a conversation - or a relationship.

When those closest to us respond to events differently than we do, when they seem to see the same scene as part of a different play, when they say things that we could not imagine saying in the same circumstances, the ground on which we stand seems to tremble and our footing is suddenly unsure.

The key to conversation at work is flexibility and understanding how what you say might be perceived by others.

Public discourse requires making an argument for a point of view, not having an argument - as in having a fight.

Critiquing relieves you of the responsibility of doing integrative thinking.