All communication is more or less cross-cultural. We learn to use language as we grow up, and growing up in different parts of the country, having different ethnic, religious, or class backgrounds, even just being male or female - all result in different ways of talking.

Critiquing relieves you of the responsibility of doing integrative thinking.

Treating people the same is not equal treatment if they are not the same.

We all know we are unique individuals, but we tend to see others as representatives of groups.

The argument culture urges us to approach the world - and the people in it - in an adversarial frame of mind. It rests on the assumption that opposition is the best way to get anything done: The best way to discuss an idea is to set up a debate; the best way to cover news is to find spokespeople who express the most extreme, polarized views and present them as 'both sides'; the best way to settle disputes is litigation that pits one party against the other; the best way to begin an essay is to attack someone; and the best way to show you're really thinking is to criticize.

Communication is a continual balancing act, juggling the conflicting needs for intimacy and independence

The biggest mistake is believing there is one right way to listen, to talk, to have a conversation - or a relationship.