All conversation, in addition to whatever else it does, displays, and asks for recognition of, our competence.

The allure of love is to have someone who knows you so well that you don't have to explain yourself. It is the promise of someone who cares enough about you to protect you against the world of strangers who do not wish you well.

We tend to look through language and not realize how much power language has

For most women, the language of conversation is primarily a language of rapport: a way of establishing connections and negotiating relationships.

Words can be like weapons of destruction: It takes so much effort, and the cooperation of so many people, to build something - and so little effort of so few to tear it down.

Communication is a continual balancing act, juggling the conflicting needs for intimacy and independence. To survive in the world, we have to act in concert with others, but to survive as ourselves, rather than simply as cogs in a wheel, we have to act alone.

We all know we are unique individuals, but we tend to see others as representatives of groups.