I wasn't the class clown, but I was starting to become the "crazy guy" at law school, which is the guy who is not so much "crazy" as "annoying."

I'm so secretive that when someone asks me, Hey, can you keep a secret? I say That's none of your business.

Right before I'm about to talk at length about something I like I say, Get me started.

I don't want to be my own boss. I want to be my own colleague.

I think there are so many little hurdles and impediments with stand-up that you'd need to have this insane desire to do it if you didn't have something that clicked right away.

I know about Woodstock probably as much as your average person who is over 30, where I'd know Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Grateful Dead.

One of the most difficult and ironic murder weapons is the life jacket.