I like to stand near ATM machines, and when somebody types in their pin number, I go, 'Got it!' And then I run away.

If you really think about it, hitting the snooze button in the morning doesn't even make sense. It's like saying, 'I hate getting up in the morning-so I do it over... and over... and over again.'

A pipe is greater than a bong. Because when you're smoking a pipe at least it makes you look like you're thinking about something.

I believe in empathy. When religion provides that for people, it's the best thing in the world.

Vampire fad just won't die. Makes sense, I guess.

I think a lot of people who watch TV don't realize when they're watch TV shows and it says 'produced by' and producer, producer... there are all these producers. What the hell does a producer do? It's funny how much you have to worry about as a producer.

The lord works in mysterious ways. Indeed. And a shorter way to say that is: God is a sneak.