I like to stand near ATM machines, and when somebody types in their pin number, I go, 'Got it!' And then I run away.

My policy is 'No stone throwing regardless of housing situation.'

I was stuck in traffic and I looked in the mirror and in the car behind me there was a couple having a horrible argument and right below their image it said "Objects In Mirror Are Closer Than They Appear". I just thought, man I hope so because she was pretty mad.

Sometimes I see a bird fly by and I feel jealous. But then other times I see a bird fly into a closed window and I feel laughing.

I went whale watching once. It was very similar to watching people on a boat become disappointed.

I do come across people who don't like me, don't like my comedy, don't think it's funny, it's too cutesy, or whatever they hate. And it's like, "Okay. That's your opinion. Somebody liked it, so that's good." Hopefully it balances out.

Right now someone out there is struggling and starting to panic because they can't get out of a tempurpedic bed.