REGARDING THE MARCHING BAND: How much more interesting it would be to see a creeping band.

I wanna design a video game where you'd have to take care of all the people shot in all the other video games.

You know what's the greatest part of anything ever in the history of everything? Exaggeration. No, wait; it's correcting yourself. No, better yet, it's making lists.

It seems that man's greatest natural enemy is the target.

If I make my window ten days for stand-up, the conclusion is that I failed and that I'm not good at stand-up. If I make it ten years - if I just wait - the conclusion might be something totally different. I think it's so cool to do things in which you discover the malleability of your own mind.

I like when people wear a WWJD bracelet, because it's like an example of the first thing Jesus wouldn't do, probably.

I live in New York and there are a lot of famous... pizzerias in my neighborhood, it's really hard to find one that isn't famous. Which sucks sometimes, you know what I mean, sometimes I don't want all that glitz and glamour, I just want something delicious, you know? I don't need a celebrity in my mouth, Ray's Up And Coming Pizza would be fine.