The definition of adventure depends upon how boring your life is.

To be creative, first I need to be really organized. If my apartment's messy I need to clean it. It's like before you start doing your homework or studying for a test, you have to have a clean room.

Villains fear me because I am unpredictable and broccoli. See what I mean?

But long story short, I didn't start doing stand-up because I wanted to have a TV show or be an actor or even wanted to write sketch comedy. I got into stand-up because I love stand-up.

I'm so secretive that when someone asks me, Hey, can you keep a secret? I say That's none of your business.

I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said 'Happy Birthday' on it. I didn't want to waste it so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it.

My friend named his car. And I don't want to be judgemental, but... what a dork.