Timing is everything. That's a cliche. Now. If I'd said that a long time ago, I'd have been original.

Timing is everything. That's a cliche. Now. If I'd said that a long time ago, I'd have been original.

Canoe plus waterfall equals I don't go camping anymore.

I like when people wear a WWJD bracelet, because it's like an example of the first thing Jesus wouldn't do, probably.

The best way to make somebody feel important is to try to assassinate them.

I think a lot of people who watch TV don't realize when they're watch TV shows and it says 'produced by' and producer, producer... there are all these producers. What the hell does a producer do? It's funny how much you have to worry about as a producer.

A large portion of the Earth's land area is taken up by old varsity jackets.