They should call fishing what it really is... tricking and killing!

Dogs seem more photogenic than cats. In photos most cats look like sociopaths.

I think they should put pies on the fronts of trains, so that when they hit something it's at least a little bit funny.

In retrospect, everything is finite, but prospectively, there are infinite possibilities. I guess that's what makes life hopeful.

If you remove a treehouse from a tree, than it's just a shitty house. Sometimes when i'm in a shitty house, I like to imagine that it's in a tree, than it's like Woah, this house is amazing.

When you're wearing an animal costume and something bad happens, your facial expression doesn't change. The animal is deadpan the whole time. If you're skiing in a gorilla suit and you fall, you just see a gorilla who has no emotion. It's just a stoic gorilla, wildly falling down a hill, out of control.

Multi-Choice question: My dishwasher is: efficient; hilarious.