Sometimes, when something really great happens to me, I like to wait two weeks before I tell anyone about it, because I like to use the word 'fortnight'.

If you happen to catch on fire during the show, do not panic or wave your arms around or scream or we wil give something to panic and wave you arms around and scream about.

I started being a comedy fan when I was, I'm going to guess, like 5 or 6 years old.

Overheard today in restaurant: Can you stop listening to our conversation?

When someone asks you the question 'Are you ticklish' it doesn't matter if you say yes or no, cause they're going to touch you. If someone asks if you're ticklish and you don't want to be touched you should something like 'I have diarrhea, now don't touch me cause you'll make it come out... and yes I'm very ticklish'.

I want to launch a globe into space just to mess with the astronauts.

My original goal was just to do stand-up but then I became interested in films - writing a film, shooting one someday, and getting to act in them.