Sometimes, when something really great happens to me, I like to wait two weeks before I tell anyone about it, because I like to use the word 'fortnight'.

It's Thursday and it really feels like a Thursday. Sometimes things just work out.

I want to launch a globe into space just to mess with the astronauts.

Last week I lost my temper in my karate class. Man, I'm not doing that again until I'm a black belt. Because I can tell you there's a difference between taking karate and receiving karate.

I don't have to kill myself, time is going to do that.

My credit card company says I have an outstanding balance. I'm flattered.

There is probably more invisible tape out there than we realize.