I've learned something on the road, traveling around: state shapes. The easier it is to draw the shape of the state, the harder it is to live in that state. So, if you live in a regular polygon, get the hell outta there. You gotta move to a squiggly area. Culture's attracted to squiggles.

In America, one sure sign of success is the presence of an unnecessary waterfall in a person's yard.

They say that structure is freedom, and in a sense it is. When you're dealing with multiple constraints, you have to figure out what you can get out of that.

It feels like every day or two, people on Twitter and the Internet are outraged about something.

I find that a shirt is most similar to a napkin when I don't have a napkin.

Relationships, like eyebrows, are better when there is space between them.

I love Steven Wright. I was in high school in the '80s, and there was a lot of stand up on television.