There are two kinds of jackets - reversible, and reversible but it's hard to zipper up and it looks really stupid.

I was a good student when I was a kid, and I did everything I was supposed to do, and I got A's.

A parade looks like a bunch of people are excited about being in traffic.

The problem with my balloon collection is that people always think there's a party. Settle down. It's not a party. It's just balloons.

I love Steven Wright. I was in high school in the '80s, and there was a lot of stand up on television.

There is no I in Team, unless you count the vertical part of the T.

Palindromes are the number one conversation stopper, like party killer, I think I've ever seen.