I have an air mattress. It's great because if someone tries to suffocate me in bed I can just poke a hole in it and use it to stay alive.

I like stand-up. But I'd also like a family and house and a yard. I want to work with a lot of people, have colleagues; and on good film sets, there's people there that work with the same people for years and years. I love that collaborative spirit in that medium. Comedy is a lot more solitary.

The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you're signing somebody's cast.

Someday I will tell my grandchildren that I lived in the era when OK was abbreviated to K.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

I think they should put pies on the fronts of trains, so that when they hit something it's at least a little bit funny.

I hate seeing people that look like you. Especially if God's living by the motto 'If at first you don't succeed.'