The best way to make somebody feel important is to try to assassinate them.

I just found out that I have more allies than America!

I think they named the orange before the carrot.

I'm a producer on my show, which is great, but it's also kind of a mixed blessing because there's so much responsibility. Everything is a decision. You have to worry about the money, you have to worry about daylight, who we're going to cast and if this location doesn't work out, what are we going to do?

I was watching MTV and there were girls dancing in suspended cages. That would be an ambivalent situation: "I'm trapped! ...but enjoying the music".

A couple weeks ago I was on the street and I saw an ugly pregnant lady, and I just thought, 'Good for you.'

It would be nice if people said, God bless you not just when you sneezed but also when you farted.