Skeet shooting is probably more satisfying if you really hate skeets.

When I stub my toe it's like I pressed a button that plays all the curse words I know.

I'm always excited to try something I haven't done.

Turtles are greater than baby nephews, because it's ok to drop a turtle.

As a comic, I think I'm very verbally oriented about a lot of the stuff that I've written or thought up and how I say it.

When someone shows you a picture of their kids what they don't want to hear is Oh, yeah, I got pictures of your kid too.

For example, I was a White House intern the summer before I dropped out of law school. Everybody knew about it. I'd come home and go to church and everybody would say, oh, my God. Demetri, you're working at the White House.