The Pursuit of Happiness: It sure seems to like a good chase, doesn't it?

A sports bar is a way to take a bar and fill it with even more annoying people than usual.

In America, one sure sign of success is the presence of an unnecessary waterfall in a person's yard.

I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything.

When they were naming the animals, somebody got lazy: anteater? What's it doing? It's eating ants. DONE!

Futon World - a wonderful place that becomes slowly less comfortable over time.

I'm very hip-oriented. I focus on hips in my comedy - probably more than any other hipster comic who is out there hipping today. My hips, other hips. I work with my hips a great deal. That is what I do. But not in a gay way.