Statistics indicate that the average American is a guy named Brian who lives in Ohio.

A pipe is greater than a bong. Because when you're smoking a pipe at least it makes you look like you're thinking about something.

Surprise parties are strange 'cause people jump up and they yell the word, 'surprise' at the party. I came home and you emerged from my furniture. You don't have to tell me how to feel. I don't need a hint.

Sometimes heckling can almost help a set, because it ratchets up the tension in the room... can even bring things to a climax.

I got myself a really nice nib pen, with like 15 kinds of India Ink, and tons of different nibs; I think I was just procrastinating, like, once I have the right nib, the book is just going to jump right out of my fingertips... but then it just ended up looking like the shitty drawings that I usually do.

I think a lot of people who watch TV don't realize when they're watch TV shows and it says 'produced by' and producer, producer... there are all these producers. What the hell does a producer do? It's funny how much you have to worry about as a producer.

It's very easy to turn a toy into an adult toy: Location, location, location.