I wish I lived next to Carnegie Hall. Then, if someone asked me how to get to my house, I would just say 'Practice, practice, practice, and then take a left.'

I would like a ship for the hips, please. Ships and hips. Hipsters to stir with their hips on the hip ships. And, of course, hips. Yeah, hip. That's me. I also like sips. I'm a slow drinker. A sipster. I'm a sipster hipster comedian. Yeah, sips. But more hips. Hip, hipster, hip star, hiptard. Definitely.

Americans who do not celebrate Independence Day: pets.

Coffee is like a bra. 3 cups is one too many.

I'm always excited to try something I haven't done.

Separate but equal is terrible for education but it's perfect for eyebrows.

For me, possibility, progress, growth, those things are very.. they feel very good. It doesn't usually come with negativity. I don't really mind sucking at something as long as I'm getting a little bit better at it along the way.