A refrigerator is the opposite of a drug addict, because a refrigerator starts in a box and then moves to a house.

I bought a dictionary. First thing I did was, I looked up the word "dictionary", and it said "you're an asshole".

Automatic paper towel dispensers are a solution to something that was never a problem in the first place.

I remember when I used to be really into nostalgia.

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

It seems that man's greatest natural enemy is the target.

Your mind is like a sponge, in the sense that it would come in handy when cleaning off a countertop or something like that.