When people show me pictures of their kids, it's okay. But when I give them a picture of me, to show to their kids, I'm weird. What kind of one way street is that?

A Rubik's cube is equal to a drag queen. It's really colorful, but I don't wanna do it.

When I stub my toe it's like I pressed a button that plays all the curse words I know.

I ordered a wake-up call the other day. The phone rang and a woman's voice said, 'What the hell are you doing with your life?'

A human head looks the least scary when it is attached.

I'm always excited to try something I haven't done.

I'm so secretive that when someone asks me, Hey, can you keep a secret? I say That's none of your business.