My friend has hand soap that smells like coconut. It's nice. Unless your hands are dirty from coconuts.

For some reason cowboy sounds better than cowman.

I am the Walrus, but not the one you're probably thinking of. I am the other Walrus, the one who is less the Walrus in the sense of legendary music and more the Walrus in the sense of his tendency to to lie around in places for too long.

Batteries are the most dramatic object. Other things stop working or they break, But Batteries... They Die.

I hate seeing people that look like you. Especially if God's living by the motto 'If at first you don't succeed.'

I didn't do improv in college, I never performed, I didn't do theater either. I was in student government, I was a history major.

Right before I'm about to talk at length about something I like I say, Get me started.