I have never been in a bad mood and near a beach ball at the same time. Causation? Correlation? Or fate?

When I am at rodeo I find it difficult not to root for the animals.

Suicide is the #1 killer of a person who is in a boat and happens to be passing under a bridge at the wrong time.

When I stub my toe it's like I pressed a button that plays all the curse words I know.

A sports bar is a way to take a bar and fill it with even more annoying people than usual.

I want to commit a crime during a reenactment, and turn it into an enactment.

I would like a ship for the hips, please. Ships and hips. Hipsters to stir with their hips on the hip ships. And, of course, hips. Yeah, hip. That's me. I also like sips. I'm a slow drinker. A sipster. I'm a sipster hipster comedian. Yeah, sips. But more hips. Hip, hipster, hip star, hiptard. Definitely.