If you want to make a mythical creature, just take a regular animal and add wings to it. A horse becomes a pegasus, a lion becomes a griffin, and a hawk... becomes a double hawk.

If you are wearing a bandana you better have something wise to say, because you are starting with a credibility deficit.

I want to launch a globe into space just to mess with the astronauts.

Siamese twins are interesting because they are the only people who can write a biography and an autobiography at the same time.

Vampire fad just won't die. Makes sense, I guess.

I was making pancakes the other day and a fly flew into the kitchen. And that's when I realized that a spatula is a lot like a fly-swatter. And a crushed fly is a lot like a blueberry. And a roommate is a lot like a fly eater.

I went into a clothing store, and the lady asked me what size I was. I said, 'Actual'. I'm not to scale.