Canoe + waterfall = I don't go camping anymore.

I'm in a weird position, because I like rainbows, but I'm not gay. So whenever I go out wearing a rainbow shirt, I have to put "Not gay." But I'm not against gays, so under that I'll have to put "... but supportive." It's weird how one group of people took refracted light. That's very greedy, gays.

A jerk on a motorcycle is equal to a leaf, because I find it beautiful when these things fall.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

Checkers taught me that a King is a man with another man on top of him. But life taught me that that's actually called a Queen.

Right now someone out there is struggling and starting to panic because they can't get out of a tempurpedic bed.

Whenever I investigate a smell, I find that the answer is always bad. It's never: 'What is that? *sniff* muffins!'