How many of you are creative? I don't know, but for me, when you make a bunch of things over time and then you keep them... you forget. I look through my sketchbooks and I'm an audience for myself.

I feel so fortunate to be one of the lucky ones who is so grateful and appreciative to know such great synonyms for thankful.

Never be less interesting than your refrigerator magnets.

It seems that two of the most basic forms of comedy are jokes and stories. And, of course, they are not mutually exclusive.

When I dropped out [from a law school], everybody was disappointed... But I found that disappointing people is a good thing, because disapproval is freedom. Before that, I never realized how much I sought other people's approval. Once I figured that out, I was free to move on and seek the approval of other people, in comedy clubs and showbiz meetings.

Do you have any Greek in you? That was just a tactful way of asking if you're pregnant. If you're not, then let's break up.

A good name for a gang would be The Uneducated Idiot Tough Guys.