Swimming is a confusing sport, because sometimes you do it for fun, and other times you do it to not die. And when I'm swimming, sometimes I'm not sure which one it is.
I wanna see a snake eat spaghetti.
What's this about rice milk? I didn't even know rice had nipples!
Palindromes are the number one conversation stopper, like party killer, I think I've ever seen.
The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you're signing somebody's cast.
If someone throws a pie at your face, just open your mouth really wide and say, 'Thanks for feeding me, a**hole.'