Checkers taught me that a King is a man with another man on top of him. But life taught me that that's actually called a Queen.
Demetri MartinStatistics indicate that the average American is a guy named Brian who lives in Ohio.
Demetri MartinI'm in a weird position, because I like rainbows, but I'm not gay. So whenever I go out wearing a rainbow shirt, I have to put "Not gay." But I'm not against gays, so under that I'll have to put "... but supportive." It's weird how one group of people took refracted light. That's very greedy, gays.
Demetri Martin