One of the most difficult and ironic murder weapons is the life jacket.

I wonder if there were any goths in gothic times. They're like: You look completely appropriate. You don't look stupid or lonely at all.

But long story short, I didn't start doing stand-up because I wanted to have a TV show or be an actor or even wanted to write sketch comedy. I got into stand-up because I love stand-up.

Wind chimes are also earthquake chimes.

As a comic, I think I'm very verbally oriented about a lot of the stuff that I've written or thought up and how I say it.

I'd love to win trophies, be in movies, have a body of work I'm proud of and find a way to enjoy it along the way. Success is probably a more of a complicated thing than that.

Having a beard is a good way to make your face more susceptible to velcro.