One of the most difficult and ironic murder weapons is the life jacket.

Sometimes I feel like I'm being watched, but then I remember that my show was canceled three years ago.

Your mind is like a sponge, in the sense that it would come in handy when cleaning off a countertop or something like that.

When there's someone who's dead and then someone does something that that person would not have liked, they say that that person is spinning in their grave. But I don't understand why they say that. Why is spinning the way that a corpse shows disapproval?

Separate but equal is terrible for education but it's perfect for eyebrows.

Why are there not positive mysteries? It's always who stole the diamond, or who killed the butler? How about... who made cookies, somebody cleaned my room.

I wonder if it's rude for a deaf person to talk with food in their hands.