Your mind is like a sponge, in the sense that it would come in handy when cleaning off a countertop or something like that.
Demetri MartinIn America, one sure sign of success is the presence of an unnecessary waterfall in a person's yard.
Demetri MartinSometimes heckling can almost help a set, because it ratchets up the tension in the room... can even bring things to a climax.
Demetri MartinAs soon as I jumped out of the airplane, I realized I had forgotten my parachute. Thank God we were still on the runway.
Demetri Martin