I like birthdays. Every time someone is born, that's just like bringing more cake into the world.

Don't talk to strangers. Sure, unless you want to meet anyone ever.

I am sometimes referred to as Excuse Me in an annoyed tone of voice, because apparently I am in the way. I am so sorry. I am supposed to be some sort of mind reader, I guess. I am moving out of the way now as slowly as I possibly can. I am doing this and there's nothing you can do about it.

There are two kinds of jackets - reversible, and reversible but it's hard to zipper up and it looks really stupid.

I am what I eat. And I am this especially when I bite my nails.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

I think there's a difference between making comedy and reporting comedy. When you're a joke teller you can easily fall into the second, you can show up and just say the jokes.