You can say 'Thanks,' and you can say 'Thanks a Million' - but any number in between?

A Rubik's cube is equal to a drag queen. It's really colorful, but I don't wanna do it.

I am a comedian but it's usually not a compliment to be called a prop comedian but I guess I sometimes use props. And I always confuse humorist with comedian. That's strange.

People and squirrels are very different. Most people will not argue that. But I find that there is one situation in which they're very similar. And that is: when I am driving towards them in my car. Then they're kind of hard to tell apart - especially if the human is kind of hairy.

I like parties, but I don't like piñatas because the pinata promotes violence against flamboyant animals. Hey, there's a donkey with some pizzazz. Let's kick its ass.

It feels like every day or two, people on Twitter and the Internet are outraged about something.

A pipe is greater than a bong. Because when you're smoking a pipe at least it makes you look like you're thinking about something.