I like to go to concerts because I love to see my favorite band through the phone of the asshole who's standing in front of me.

Jumping jacks are easier to do than crawling jacks.

When someone asks you the question 'Are you ticklish' it doesn't matter if you say yes or no, cause they're going to touch you. If someone asks if you're ticklish and you don't want to be touched you should something like 'I have diarrhea, now don't touch me cause you'll make it come out... and yes I'm very ticklish'.

Here is a tip for all you young people drinking wine. With pasta, drink white wine. With steak, drink red wine. And if you're vegan, you're annoying.

It's funny: when people always talk about the importance of role models, I used to think that was so exaggerated, but as I get older, I start to realize I don't feel that way so much anymore. If you see somebody like you who's doing something, an older version of what you are, it does make you feel like it's more possible.

I went into a clothing store, and the lady asked me what size I was. I said, 'Actual'. I'm not to scale.

Once I started to look i finally began to see.