A Wednesday with no rain is a dry hump day.
One of the most difficult and ironic murder weapons is the life jacket.
If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I'd probably just start calling out letters.
At the battle of the bands the loser's always the audience.
As a comic, I think I'm very verbally oriented about a lot of the stuff that I've written or thought up and how I say it.
The problem with my balloon collection is that people always think there's a party. Settle down. It's not a party. It's just balloons.