I like to go to concerts because I love to see my favorite band through the phone of the asshole who's standing in front of me.

Cotton candy is the perfect snack for when I'm in the mood to eat dry, scratchy fabric.

The boomerang is Australia's chief export (and then import).

How to be a bouncer: be an asshole; stand near a door.

When I stub my toe it's like I pressed a button that plays all the curse words I know.

I like playing frisbee. It is the only sport where you can throw something at a person and it's okay.

The shortest feedback loop I can think of is doing improvisation in front of an audience.