Yes" actually means "No" 100% of the time, when the question is "Can I give you some advice?
Demetri MartinI think, at first blush, the '60s always enticed me. There's something about the '60s, it's not hard to like it.
Demetri MartinSpecifically in stand-up, I love jokes. I love short, structured ideas and a punchline.
Demetri MartinI like parties, but I don't like piรฑatas because the pinata promotes violence against flamboyant animals. Hey, there's a donkey with some pizzazz. Let's kick its ass.
Demetri MartinIt's weird to make a decision where everyone in your life disapproves, pretty vocally and directly. They said, "You've got one year left. Just do it." I had a full scholarship so I didn't have to pay for it. They asked, "Why don't you just get the degree so you can have it?" And I said, "You don't understand. I was trying to figure out what I wanted to do and now I know. I have the answer and it's dumb to waste any more time."
Demetri MartinClothing sizes are weird, they go: small, medium, large and then extra large, extra extra large, extra extra extra large. Something happened at large, they just gave up. They were like, 'I'm not doing any more adjectives; you just keep putting extras on there.' We could do better than that: small, medium, large, whoa, easy, slow down, stop it, interesting, American.
Demetri Martin