When I look up at the clouds I see so many animals, mostly sheep who have lost their limbs and heads.

A cool tattoo design is any drawing that would also look good saggy.

After going through years of litigation to get royalties due to him, the guy who coined the term 'happily ever after' lived reasonably well for a while.

I'm in a weird position, because I like rainbows, but I'm not gay. So whenever I go out wearing a rainbow shirt, I have to put "Not gay." But I'm not against gays, so under that I'll have to put "... but supportive." It's weird how one group of people took refracted light. That's very greedy, gays.

Relationships, like eyebrows, are better when there is space between them.

Halloween: the day each year when strangers give you even more specific reasons to dislike them based on what they are wearing.

To look like you are a real sports fan, when there is a game on TV just yell, Oh, come on! every now and then at the TV.