When I stub my toe it's like I pressed a button that plays all the curse words I know.

'Dammit I'm mad' is 'Dammit I'm mad' spelled backwards.

I just started doing this one-man show, and I wanted to be able to score it, so I bought a guitar, and got a keyboard and got a harmonica. I remember when I started that I didn't understand why a harmonica had different letters on them.

I saw a door that said exit only. So I entered through it and went up to the guy working there and said "I have good news. You have severely underestimated that door over there. By like a hundred percent."

Rock is fine. No structural damage to rock. Rock can break through paper at any point. Just say the word. Paper sucks.

If you can't tell a spoon from a ladle, then you're fat!

After going through years of litigation to get royalties due to him, the guy who coined the term 'happily ever after' lived reasonably well for a while.