When I stub my toe it's like I pressed a button that plays all the curse words I know.

Last week I lost my temper in my karate class. Man, I'm not doing that again until I'm a black belt. Because I can tell you there's a difference between taking karate and receiving karate.

You are ten times more likely to get hit by a car when the driver is aiming for you.

Hot Potato is a very different game when the people playing are starving.

I saw a sign that said, 'Watch for children.' I was like, 'That sounds like a fair trade - especially if they're crappy kids.'

When I'm buying car insurance I ask myself, 'Which company has the most annoying and relentless commercials?'

Planning trip around the globe, that is in my room.