It would be nice if people said, God bless you not just when you sneezed but also when you farted.
Demetri MartinIt feels like every day or two, people on Twitter and the Internet are outraged about something.
Demetri MartinSometimes, when something really great happens to me, I like to wait two weeks before I tell anyone about it, because I like to use the word 'fortnight'.
Demetri MartinI bought a new pair of pajamas with pockets, which is great, cause now i don't have to hold things when I sleep.
Demetri Martin