Whenever I try to spell 'banana,' I feel stupid because I don't know when to end it.

I saw a door that said exit only. So I entered through it and went up to the guy working there and said "I have good news. You have severely underestimated that door over there. By like a hundred percent."

One thing you never hear is "Man that guy is good at badminton".

Canoe + waterfall = I don't go camping anymore.

Futon World - a wonderful place that becomes slowly less comfortable over time.

I've learned something on the road, traveling around: state shapes. The easier it is to draw the shape of the state, the harder it is to live in that state. So, if you live in a regular polygon, get the hell outta there. You gotta move to a squiggly area. Culture's attracted to squiggles.

I think a bad place for a fire would be the factory where they make those trick candles.