Whenever I try to spell 'banana,' I feel stupid because I don't know when to end it.

Last week I lost my temper in my karate class. Man, I'm not doing that again until I'm a black belt. Because I can tell you there's a difference between taking karate and receiving karate.

I hate seeing people that look like you. Especially if God's living by the motto 'If at first you don't succeed.'

I think there's a difference between making comedy and reporting comedy. When you're a joke teller you can easily fall into the second, you can show up and just say the jokes.

I went whale watching once. It was very similar to watching people on a boat become disappointed.

Small businesses are important, but so are tiny businesses.

To make a squirrel look less uptight, put tiny sunglasses on it.