I think cats would have an even worse attitude if they found out how stupid their names were.

I think hair gel was invented to make it easier to identify assholes from a distance.

The planets. Now footnote, I'm including Pluto in the planets, because I think it's terrible what they did to Pluto. And it's still a planet to me. I grew up with Pluto as a planet, it will always be a planet.

Whenever I throw caution to the wind I make sure I'm facing the right way so that it doesn't blow back and hit me in my face.

I bought a dictionary. First thing I did was, I looked up the word "dictionary", and it said "you're an asshole".

Don't forget to turn your clocks back today if you don't want your clocks to be set to the right time.

This is a pie chart about procrastination.