Sometimes I see a bird fly by and I feel jealous. But then other times I see a bird fly into a closed window and I feel laughing.
Demetri MartinCheckers taught me that a King is a man with another man on top of him. But life taught me that that's actually called a Queen.
Demetri MartinIt's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the dog's owner - and the distance you are from your car.
Demetri Martin