I think cats would have an even worse attitude if they found out how stupid their names were.

Sometimes I see a bird fly by and I feel jealous. But then other times I see a bird fly into a closed window and I feel laughing.

Checkers taught me that a King is a man with another man on top of him. But life taught me that that's actually called a Queen.

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the dog's owner - and the distance you are from your car.

I like playing frisbee. It is the only sport where you can throw something at a person and it's okay.

I am a ceiling fan, especially during rain.

Having a beard is a good way to make your face more susceptible to velcro.