When someone shows you a picture of their kids what they don't want to hear is Oh, yeah, I got pictures of your kid too.

Don't forget to turn your clocks back today if you don't want your clocks to be set to the right time.

When I trip, I feel like that's the world saying come here for a second. It just pulls me closer for a second, yeah what do you want? I just want to remind you that you're uncoordinated. I'm aware of that, thank you... can I go now? Yeah, you can go, but never ever try to outrun me. Ok, world, see you later. Yeah, I'll see you in about 50 years.

I never set out to do a sketch show.

It's Thursday and it really feels like a Thursday. Sometimes things just work out.

The difference between a child's toy and an adult toy is: location, location, location.

The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you're signing somebody's cast.