The shortest distance between two idiots is a conga line.
You need an audience to help you figure out what's working and what's worth putting on your album or your special - or even just what's worth touring with.
I think since I was kid people told me that they thought I was funny.
A know-it-all is a person who knows everything except for how annoying he is.
Sometimes I feel like I'm being watched, but then I remember that my show was canceled three years ago.
It feels like every day or two, people on Twitter and the Internet are outraged about something.