We do not allow dwarf tossing. If you toss a dwarf, the dwarf will be tossed right back at you, but faster.

When someone shows you a picture of their kids what they don't want to hear is Oh, yeah, I got pictures of your kid too.

I am a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a pita. Why the pita? That counts as another mystery.

Reality is a concept that depends largely upon where you point your face.

Sometimes heckling can almost help a set, because it ratchets up the tension in the room... can even bring things to a climax.

I like parties, but I don't like piñatas because the pinata promotes violence against flamboyant animals. Hey, there's a donkey with some pizzazz. Let's kick its ass.

Clowns have no respect for pie.