I like playing frisbee. It is the only sport where you can throw something at a person and it's okay.

I love having an open seat next to me on the train. What's even better is when my seat is open too because I just stayed home.

They say it's lonely at the top. It must be even lonelier at the tippy top.

I think they should put pies on the fronts of trains, so that when they hit something it's at least a little bit funny.

Sometimes I see a bird fly by and I feel jealous. But then other times I see a bird fly into a closed window and I feel laughing.

I'm so secretive that when someone asks me, Hey, can you keep a secret? I say That's none of your business.

The problem with my balloon collection is that people always think there's a party. Settle down. It's not a party. It's just balloons.