I like playing frisbee. It is the only sport where you can throw something at a person and it's okay.

One of the most difficult and ironic murder weapons is the life jacket.

I can tell how lonely I am by how easily I'm fooled by a mannequin in a store.

A glove is a very literal looking hand puppet.

I got into stand up just to do stand up because I love stand up.

I have an air mattress. It's great because if someone tries to suffocate me in bed I can just poke a hole in it and use it to stay alive.

Sometimes I see a bird fly by and I feel jealous. But then other times I see a bird fly into a closed window and I feel laughing.