I have fun acting, and I want to do more of it, and I want to direct my own movie.

One thing I learned is that it's never OK to walk through a cemetery dressed as a mummy - even if that was a shortcut on the way to the costume party.

I was on the train the other day, and I heard somebody say, I'm really good at checkers. That's the same thing as saying, I'm not good at very many things.

Timing is everything. That's a cliche. Now. If I'd said that a long time ago, I'd have been original.

You know what's the greatest part of anything ever in the history of everything? Exaggeration. No, wait; it's correcting yourself. No, better yet, it's making lists.

I went to law school. I found it interesting for the first three weeks.

Siamese twins are interesting because they are the only people who can write a biography and an autobiography at the same time.