I have fun acting, and I want to do more of it, and I want to direct my own movie.

Conclusions are based in time. We live in time. So any definition of success is bound up with time. With other things you can say, "Can I yo-yo? Can I juggle?" Usually you have a pretty small window in which to get your answer. Stand-up is different. You can't do stand-up for one night and say, "Am I a funny stand-up comedian?" In two months or two years you'll start to realize it.

Hot Potato is a very different game when the people playing are starving.

A straw enables you to drink without using your wrist. A straw is your friend - until you lose eye contact with the straw. Then it will betray you and make you look like an idiot.

If I were blind, I'd wear a blindfold all the time.

Our Times, a Brief History: As televisions became flatter, People became rounder.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.